:22:01
My wonderful parents,
ladies and gentlemen.
:22:04
They hated me. They once took me to
an orphanage and told me to mingle.
:22:12
Do you ever feel like
killing yourself?
:22:15
Like no matter what you do, people
will always see you as one thing?
:22:20
It's like a lifetime of bad luck.
:22:26
I came home last week, my dog looked
sheepish. Dogs can look sheepish!
:22:33
I feed him, he won't eat.
He starts wailing real loud.
:22:37
I go into the back room, I see
he's broken a very large mirror.
:22:41
I say, ""Did you do this?''
He said, ""Yeah.'' He did.
:22:45
""It's OK, why are you so upset?''
:22:48
He says, ""49 years bad luck.''
:23:03
Ajoke's like watching a lady
get out of a car
:23:05
Sometimes you see it,
sometimes you don't.
:23:22
Did I say something funny?
:23:27
I was playing Carthage, Tennessee.
Ever play there?
:23:31
They brought back the death penalty
for comedians only.
:23:36
Guy in a bar says, ""I used to own this
place. I built it up from nothing.
:23:41
""But do they call me
John the Bar Owner? No.
:23:45
""I owned the biggest farm
in the county for 30 years.
:23:49
""I looked after animals, crops.
But do they call me John the Farmer?
:23:56
""I ran for Congress. Sat in
Washington representing the people.