1:29:02
I remember I'd wake up in the middle
of the night sucking his penis.
1:29:09
I didn't even know
what it was.
1:29:14
My mother went away on a trip
when I was five years old.
1:29:20
This was the first time
he put his penis in me.
1:29:24
I bled for days.
1:29:29
He told me that's what
daddies and little girls do...
1:29:34
that it was our secret.
1:29:38
He made me believe that every father
did that with their daughter.
1:29:45
So I believed him...
1:29:53
and I became that.
1:29:58
And I enjoyed it too.
1:30:04
It seemed to stop
when I was about 11 or 12.
1:30:06
I don't know why...
1:30:10
but I still loved him.
1:30:13
I had no choice.
1:30:17
I became the woman that
my father wanted me to be.
1:30:19
I dressed how
he told me to dress.
1:30:21
I presented myself
as a happy, bubbly girl.
1:30:28
Still do.
1:30:33
It's the way
that I block the feelings.
1:30:37
It's the way
that I block the pain.
1:30:50
I know I've been away
a long time.
1:30:56
I had to confront my self-hatred...
1:30:59
and I am terrified of you...