:58:02
- The odds are against you, colonel.
- Watch this.
:58:08
40 percent.
:58:10
40 percent for you, you nail it.
:58:12
40 percent for me,
I'd have missed by a mile.
:58:15
That's why I got out of
the astronaut program.
:58:18
I knew my chances of getting on
a space shuttle were way less than 40.
:58:22
But I was an astronaut, almost.
:58:25
- You'd have been a damn good one too.
- Thank you.
:58:29
You don't think like that. You've
jumped out of planes 20 miles up.
:58:34
You drove rocket sleds
at the speed of sound.
:58:37
- You're not afraid of anything.
- I've been afraid.
:58:41
Oh, bullshit. When?
:58:46
When I was 17 years old.
:58:51
I was crazy in love
with this college girl.
:58:54
She was beautiful. Oh, gorgeous.
:58:57
And a ball of fire.
:58:59
She, of course,
was crazy in love with...
:59:01
- You.
- No.
:59:03
Texas A&M's all-American defensive end
Scott LeBeau.
:59:06
And I mean, this cat
was six-foot-six if he was a foot.
:59:10
Gary Cooper handsome.
:59:13
One day, a bunch of friends and I
decided we'd drink too much beer...
:59:17
...and crash a big old
sorority cotillion.
:59:20
You know, everybody's dressed up
in chiffon gowns and Daddy's tuxedo.
:59:24
There we are, looking like a bunch
of brush poppers and goat ropers.
:59:28
- At the governor's ranch too.
- I'm beginning to get the picture.
:59:33
So my friends tell me that they see
LeBeau entering the Port-a-Potty.
:59:38
One of them little old
fiberglass shithouses.
:59:40
I did a better tackle on that
fiberglass shithouse...
:59:43
...than he ever did
on the football field...
:59:46
...and the thing rolled
down a bluff into a creek.
:59:48
Screaming and yelling
all the way down...
:59:51
...except it don't sound like no
all-American defensive end.
:59:55
- It's decidedly more feminine.
- Oh, no, you didn't.