:08:01
What the fuck is the lnternet?
:08:03
The lnternet
is a communications tool...
:08:05
used the world over, where
people can come together...
:08:07
to bitch about movies and share
pornography with one another.
:08:09
Here's what we're looking for--
Moviepoopshoot.com. [Farts]
:08:12
Poop shoot. Yeah.
:08:14
This is a site populated
by militant movie buffs--
:08:17
sad, pathetic little bastards...
:08:19
living in their
parents' basement...
:08:21
downloading scripts...
:08:22
and what they think
is inside information...
:08:24
about movies and actors
they claim to despise...
:08:27
yet can't stop discussing.
:08:28
OK, this is about "Bluntman
and Chronic" right here.
:08:31
"lnside sources tell me...
:08:32
"Miramax is starting
production this Friday...
:08:34
"on their adaptation
of underground comic fave...
:08:35
"'Bluntman and Chronic."'
:08:37
Friday? Shit, does it say
who's fucking playing us...
:08:39
in the movie?
:08:40
No, but it's Miramax...
:08:41
so l'm sure it'll be
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.
:08:43
You know, they put them
in a bunch of movies.
:08:45
Who?
:08:46
You know, those kids
from "Good Will Hunting."
:08:48
You mean that fucking movie
with Mork from Ork in it?
:08:51
Yeah, l wasn't
a big fan, either...
:08:52
but Affleck was the bomb
in "Phantoms."
:08:55
Word, bitch. "Phantoms"'
like a motherfucker.
:08:57
What's up now?
:08:59
[Cracks neck]
Ahem. All right.
:09:00
So, here we go. Now, this
is the shoot-back section.
:09:03
This is where the people
who read the news...
:09:04
get to chime in
with their two cents.
:09:06
For example,
we got a guy here...
:09:08
with the chick magnet
net handle "Wompa One"...
:09:11
opining on what he thinks
about "Bluntman and Chronic. "
:09:13
He says, "Bluntman and Chronic
and their stupid alter egos...
:09:16
"Jay and Silent Bob only work
in small doses, if at all.
:09:18
"They don't deserve
their own movie. "
:09:20
-He's got a point.
-Fuck him.
:09:22
What's the next one say?
:09:23
This is entitled "Fuck Them
Up Their Stupid Asses."
:09:25
"'Bluntman and Chronic' is
the worst comic l ever read.
:09:28
"Jay and Silent Bob
are stupid characters--
:09:30
"a couple of stoners who spout
dumb-ass catch phrases...
:09:32
"like a third-rate
Cheech and Chong...
:09:34
"or Bill and Ted.
:09:36
"Fuck Jay and Silent Bob.
:09:37
"Fuck them
up their stupid asses."
:09:40
Who the fuck said that shit?
:09:42
A guy who calls himself
"Magnolia Fan."
:09:44
All right, here,
check this one out.
:09:45
"Jay and Silent Bob
are one-notejokes...
:09:47
"that only stoners laugh at.
:09:49
"They're fucking clown shoes."
Mmm.
:09:52
"lf they were real, l'd beat
the shit out of them...
:09:54
"for being so stupid.
:09:56
"l, for one, will be
boycotting this movie.
:09:57
"Who's with me?"
:09:59
Then there's, like,
fifty more posts...