:47:01
Bitch.
:47:03
[News theme plays]
:47:04
l'm Reg Hartner with an
exclusive "News Now" bulletin.
:47:07
The Provasik animal-testing
facility in Boulder...
:47:10
was the focus of an attack
by a terroristic...
:47:12
primate rescue syndicate
calling themselves...
:47:15
the Coalition for Liberation
of ltinerant Tree-dwellers...
:47:18
or simply C.L.l.T.
:47:21
ln a videotape sent
to authorities this morning...
:47:23
credit for the liberation
of an orangutan...
:47:25
from the lab last night
is taken by these men--
:47:28
identified in literature
that accompanied the tape...
:47:30
as Jay and Silent Bob.
:47:33
ln this chilling clip,
they make it very clear...
:47:35
that they are in control
of the C.L.l.T.
:47:39
[Distorted] We are the C.L.l. T.
None ofyou are safe.
:47:41
Now tremble before the might
of our merciless leader.
:47:43
l am the C.L.l.T. commander!
:47:45
Terrifying.
:47:47
Now here to help us
explain this footage...
:47:49
is Federal Wildlife
Marshal Willenholly.
:47:51
Marshal Willenholly,
thanks for joining us.
:47:53
At this point, what can you
tell us about the C.L.l.T.?
:47:56
From the intelligence
we've been gathering...
:47:58
we've discovered
that the C.L.l.T...
:48:00
is actually a tiny offshoot
of the L.A.B.l.A.
:48:03
Uh, the Liberate Apes Before
lmprisoning Apes movement?
:48:05
Exactly.
:48:06
Now, the two men
that you saw in the video...
:48:08
they go by the obvious code
names of Jay and Silent Bob.
:48:12
lf anyone out there
should come across them...
:48:15
or any other C.L.l.T.ies,
please exercise extreme caution.
:48:19
See? Told you that restraining
order was a good idea.
:48:22
What response
do you hope to elicit...
:48:23
by putting this kind
of pressure on the C.L.l.T.?
:48:26
lt's a difficult situation.
:48:27
You don't want to rub
the C.L.l.T. the wrong way.
:48:29
Nights like this...
:48:31
-l miss dating a lesbian.
-[Ring]
:48:33
ls that your cell phone, sir?
:48:34
Plaschke.
Give me a friggin' break.
:48:38
l'm on my way.
We've got 'em.
:48:40
They're in Utah.
Citizens of Utah...
:48:42
stimulation of the C.L.l.T.
is not recommended.
:48:45
Well, your plan worked.
:48:47
The news is all about
Jay, Bob, and your C.L.l. T...
:48:50
with almost no mention
of the diamond heist.
:48:53
l told you those two
were the perfect patsies.
:48:55
Don't you have any regret?
:48:56
Jay and Bob don't deserve this.
They were really sweet.
:48:58
The only thing l regret
is not gutting...