:03:05
What's going on? Keep it down.
:03:07
Zander Kelly's on the air.
What's the deal with your haircut?
:03:12
I'm sorry about the noise, sir.
This ain't no haircut. This is a wig.
:03:16
A wig... Look at you.
:03:18
Jesus!
:03:20
I got somebody I want you to meet.
Come with me.
:03:23
Come on back.
:03:26
Yeah, that's what I thought.
This is Zander Kelly.
:03:30
You're listening to 98.6, KXLA.
:03:31
All-aberration radio, all the time.
:03:34
Zander. You got to see this guy.
:03:36
God almighty! Manna from
inbred heaven. Hey, freak-boy.
:03:40
1976 called.
It wants its hairstyle back.
:03:43
Zander, get this: This is a wig.
:03:45
What are you wearing a wig for? You
doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?
:03:50
Freddy, go get "Free Bird"- boy here
an all-access laminate...
:03:53
...for the show in perpetuity. I'm
wringing this chamois as long as I can.
:03:56
You are exquisitely pathetic.
What's your name, pal?
:04:00
Joe Dirt, but if you're just gonna make
fun of me, I'll go back to mopping.
:04:04
Sit down. Let me take another tact.
:04:06
Mr. Dirt, what's with the wig?
:04:10
I was born without the top of my skull.
:04:13
A little bit of my brains was showing,
grossing everybody out.
:04:17
So my mom put this wig on me
to cover it up...
:04:20
...and then the bones grew together...
:04:23
...and it got all infused and entwined.
:04:25
I don't mean to get all scientific
or whatever.
:04:28
Why didn't your mom
change the wig later?
:04:30
Actually, we got separated
when I was eight. I got lost.
:04:35
You been on your own
since eight years old?
:04:38
Pretty much.
It's a long story, actually.
:04:40
Listen to you.
:04:41
What's the story here?
"I'm a white-trash idiot. " The end.
:04:44
Is this where you want to be when Jesus
comes back, making fun of Joe Dirt?
:04:49
Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh
would be chiming in too.
:04:52
Funny, because my mom used to say that
if she caught me doing stuff.
:04:55
Like one time, I was jerking
my gherkin... Can I say that?
:04:59
She goes, "Is this where you want
to be when Jesus comes back?"