:04:00
Joe Dirt, but if you're just gonna make
fun of me, I'll go back to mopping.
:04:04
Sit down. Let me take another tact.
:04:06
Mr. Dirt, what's with the wig?
:04:10
I was born without the top of my skull.
:04:13
A little bit of my brains was showing,
grossing everybody out.
:04:17
So my mom put this wig on me
to cover it up...
:04:20
...and then the bones grew together...
:04:23
...and it got all infused and entwined.
:04:25
I don't mean to get all scientific
or whatever.
:04:28
Why didn't your mom
change the wig later?
:04:30
Actually, we got separated
when I was eight. I got lost.
:04:35
You been on your own
since eight years old?
:04:38
Pretty much.
It's a long story, actually.
:04:40
Listen to you.
:04:41
What's the story here?
"I'm a white-trash idiot. " The end.
:04:44
Is this where you want to be when Jesus
comes back, making fun of Joe Dirt?
:04:49
Probably, because I'm sure Yahweh
would be chiming in too.
:04:52
Funny, because my mom used to say that
if she caught me doing stuff.
:04:55
Like one time, I was jerking
my gherkin... Can I say that?
:04:59
She goes, "Is this where you want
to be when Jesus comes back?"
:05:01
A real winner. It's amazing to me
you turned out like you did...
:05:05
...with that sort of mentoring.
:05:07
I can't say don't make fun of me...
:05:09
...but you shouldn't make fun
of my mom.
:05:11
Guys, you got to hear this guy
on the Zander show.
:05:14
You're on your own.
:05:15
The family's ditched you. What next?
:05:17
Do you really care? It's actually not
an easy story to tell.
:05:21
I got four hours a day to fill, man.
:05:23
It's not often I get a freak
plopped into my lap.
:05:26
Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me.
:05:28
All right, man.
:05:30
My parents, my sister and I
all went to the Grand Canyon.
:05:33
While they checked out the sights
and donkeys and whatnot...
:05:36
- ... I somehow got separated from them.
- Makes his shot.
:05:40
Hey, Dad. Look. It's the good stuff.
:05:43
None of that pussy Skoal. Right, Dad?
:05:46
Dad?
:05:48
Mom!
:05:49
Dad! Mom!
:05:53
Where are you?!
:05:55
Dad!
:05:57
Mom! Where are you?!