:07:02
Scrub clean before supper.
:07:04
And that means wash
under your fingernails...
:07:07
...and back of your ears
and dress in your Sunday best.
:07:11
I expect your schoolwork done every
night, laid out for my inspection.
:07:16
- Is that clear?
- Yes, ma'am.
:07:18
Can I push him off my leg?
:07:20
He'll stop humping
as soon as he's done.
:07:25
Well, the year was 1982.
:07:27
I was 11 years old now, and I'd gotten
in a little trouble here and there...
:07:31
...so I was in a juvie home
for boys...
:07:34
...and I was getting ready
to split that scene, and pronto.
:07:42
Bob Seger?
:07:43
Be honest, it was Leif Garrett.
It was probably more like this:
:07:52
No, sir, man. I don't like that crap.
I'm a rocker, through and through.
:07:56
Here's my favorite bands: ACIDC,
Van Halen, not Van Hagar...
:08:01
- ... Skynyrd, Def Lepp-
- All right.
:08:03
Don't make me
call your probey officer.
:08:06
And riddle me this:
:08:08
Other than the fact that you dig
looking like Jane Fonda in Klute...
:08:12
...why don't you cut the wig now?
:08:16
Well, yeah. I guess I could do that.
:08:20
Zander just asked this Joe Dirt
why he doesn't cut the wig.
:08:23
You can tell he's never
thought of that.
:08:25
Except for the ratty stache
and the pork chops...
:08:28
...you're pretty clean-shaven for
a kid who lives in a trash can. No?
:08:31
I don't need to shave because it don't
grow in right here and here.
:08:35
You're telling me you were
so ingrained with white-trash DNA...
:08:39
...your facial hair actually grows in
on its own all white-trashy like that?
:08:44
I don't know what you're saying,
but that's what's going on, yeah.
:08:48
So back to the story here.
You're on your own...
:08:53
I'm just camping out or whatever...
:08:56
...and this goes on for years until
one night, something amazing happened.