:05:00
Why the long face, Doug?
:05:02
-Feds seize your house or something?
-Fuck yourself.
:05:07
Tell him the story.
:05:09
Come on, tell the story.
:05:11
-If it's so funny, you tell him.
-It's your story.
:05:16
Asshole.
:05:20
All right.
There's a serial burglar.
:05:25
Chased him for a year.
A real slickster.
:05:28
Captain's riding my ass
the whole time.
:05:31
-Sentencing was today.
-Judge is female.
:05:34
That's right. Landers.
:05:36
I know Landers. She's a sharp lady.
:05:41
No?
:05:43
Guy gets ahold of some peanut butter,
packs his ass-crack with it.
:05:48
He's standing before the bench,
waiting to give his statement.
:05:53
Shoves his hand down his pants,
comes out with extra-chunky Jif.
:06:01
Bailiffs won't come near him.
:06:07
Now he looks the judge
right in the eyes...
:06:10
...and licks his fingers clean.
:06:15
Holy shit.
:06:17
So the judge says:
:06:19
"This man's insane.
He can't go to prison."
:06:22
-Sends him to Psychiatric.
-She fell for it.
:06:25
Yeah! She's so fucking smart.
:06:27
By the time she found out,
the guy's already been transferred.
:06:37
-Proceedings closed.
-Yeah, closed.
:06:41
He'll do six months
in the puzzle factory...
:06:44
...and they'll let him go.
:06:46
Never, ever do a day in prison.
:06:48
Give him credit. He worked the system,
deserves his freedom.
:06:52
Yeah? Think so?
:06:55
Or not.
:06:58
I'll tell you what.