Who Is Cletis Tout?

Jiggins! 60/40.
Look, how many times
do I have to say I'm sorry?
It's not a jiggins.
It's a mistake.
I mean, it's dark up here.
I can't see anything.
Failure to comprehend
the concept.

Jiggins. 70/30.
Let me ask you a question.
Are you possessed
by the devil?

Hmm. That's funny. Very funny.
And I don't mean "ha-ha" funny.
I mean, "I've been
in prison for 20 years

and feel comfortable
in pumps" kind of funny.

Ha. Suppression
of sexual tendencies.

Not very evolved.
Jiggins. 75/25.
Okay, that's it.
I got my own clause.

Tell me if you know
what this word means, all right?

What the hell is all this crap?
You're a freak.
Oh, is that your clause?
'cause that was, uh, nine words.
Well, eight with
a contraction.

I mean, you asked me
if knew what a word meant.
That's singular.
"Word" is singular.

"What's all this crap?
You're a freak" is plural

in terms of words, anyway.
Oh, no, it's singular.
Why? because I'm
running them all together

because this is my word,
my clause

the-the "what's all this crap?
You're a freak" clause

known henceforth
as "the clause."

Now, every time
you break the clause

I take back ten percent.
Let's see how many times
you've broken the clause.

How about
ever since I met you?

Do you know what that means?
You not only owe me 100%
of that map,
but for the next 50 years

you have to kiss
my red, rosy, puckered crack.

Ooh. That was nice.
Real descriptive.
"Kiss my rosy, red,
puckered crack."

I should shoot you right now.
Wow. I'm just telling you
what happened.

I, uh... I didn't realize I was
going to be critiqued here.

What's my name?
Excuse me?
Critical Jim.
Say it.
Critical Jim.
What do you suppose that means?
Where are we going now?
Uh, after the diamonds.