:01:02
We open on Charlie Kaufman.
:01:04
Fat, old, bald, repulsive, sitting in
a Hollywood restaurant...
:01:08
...across from Valerie Thomas,
a lovely, statuesque film executive.
:01:13
Kaufman, trying to get
a writing assignment...
:01:16
...wanting to impress her,
sweats profusely.
:01:22
Fat, bald Kaufman paces furiously
in his bedroom.
:01:27
He speaks into his hand-held
tape recorder, and he says:
:01:33
"Charlie Kaufman, fat, bald,
repulsive, old...
:01:35
...sits at a Hollywood restaurant
with Valerie Thomas."
:01:38
Kaufman, repugnant, ridiculous...
:01:40
...jerks off to the book jacket photo
of Susan Or...
:01:42
What do you want?
:01:44
I've finished my script.
:01:46
I'm done.
:01:50
So would you show it to your agent?
:01:53
It's called The Three.
:02:00
Thanks. I also want to
thank you for your idea.
:02:02
It was very helpful.
I changed it a little.
:02:04
Now the killer cuts off body pieces
and makes his victims eat them.
:02:08
Caroline has this great tattoo of a snake
swallowing its own tail, and...
:02:11
- Ourobouros.
- I don't know what that means.
:02:14
The snake. It's called Ourobouros.
:02:17
I don't think so. But it's cool for my
killer to have this modus operandi...
:02:20
...because when he forces the woman
who's really him to eat herself...
:02:23
...he's also eating himself to death.
:02:25
I'm insane.
:02:26
- I'm Ourobouros.
- I don't know what that word means.
:02:29
- I've written myself into my screenplay.
- That's kind of weird, huh?
:02:33
It's self-indulgent. It's narcissistic.
:02:36
It's solipsistic. It's pathetic.
:02:39
I'm pathetic.
I'm fat and pathetic.
:02:41
I'm sure you had good reasons, Charles.
You're an artist.
:02:44
It's because I'm too timid to speak to
the woman who wrote the book.
:02:47
Because I'm pathetic.
:02:49
Because I have no idea how to write.
Because I can't make flowers fascinating.
:02:54
Because I suck.
:02:55
- Hey, am I in the script?
- I'm going to New York.
:02:59
I'll meet her. That's it.
That's what I have to do.