Buying the Cow

Look at him.
See those chicks he's wasting it on.

Hi, ladies! Those are bass.
And we all go bass fishing
from time to time.

Hell, you can get really good at it
with practice.

But while he's spending all his time
hooking up with bottom feeders...

...the crucial skills he'll need
to hook his wife are atrophying.

You see, scamming is like fishing.
If your dream girl were a fish,
what would she be?

- I don't know, a tuna?
- Yeah! No.

A marlin.
A big trophy fish.
To catch a marlin,
you must use entirely different skills.

You don't go out marlin fishing with
a sorry-ass fold-out pole, six-pound test.

That'll do for bass.
But it sure as shit
isn't gonna land a marlin.

You have to up your game.
Know where the elusive beauties lie.

You gotta know where to fish.
They're rare, brother. They're rare.

Most days you don't catch shit.
But when you do...

The two of you are back
at the dock taking pictures.

Okay, another huge fJaw I have...
...with "Why buy the cow when you can
get the miJk for free?"...

:27:03 simpJy this. MiJk is not free.
The point is,
if you're hankering for some miJk...

:27:07 way or another,
you're gonna have to pay for it!

You digging this, Davey?
I told you I'd make it up to you.

Please point out which
of these lovely young ladies is a marlin.

We're done fishing for the day.
We're at the aquarium now,
checking out the exotic fishies.

Look, Davey. They even got
one of those petting tanks.

Oh, my God.
I have aJready toJd him aJJ about you,
and his friend is totaJJy hot.

Sarah, come on.
You have got to get my back.