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how to talk to a girl!
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I understand you're having a problem,
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so I've assembled a team of experts
here to help you along
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from the point of contact
to the point of closure.
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You got to close.
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Any species is predicated upon mating.
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Males and females must couple
or the animal will surely die off.
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- I'm just trying to get a date.
- This is how the hyena does it...
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- See this thing here?
- There's a lot of laughing involved.
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It makes you wanna give the good Lord
a standing ovation.
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You gotta let her know she looks fresh. Pay
her compliments.
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Be smart. Get some dirt on her, eh?
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They use both sides of their brain
at once-emotion and intellect.
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- Check out previous boyfriends.
- Pick her up, don't be late.
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- It's a bad way to start off a first date.
- My grandfather used to say,
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"Women are like cow chips, the older they
get the easier they are to pick up."
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Let's take a few deep breaths
as we turn to the relationship pyramid...
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Forget all that,
you gotta be stern, commanding.
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- He's dead now.
- Shower before seeing the girl.
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No, no, you wanna be dank, dusky
and musky. She's got to smell you.
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My father was married 100 years or so.
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You gotta smell like a savage beast!
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Pull the ring in the back of his neck
and he goes, "My fault!"
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- Like a wild animal, the cheetah...
- Excuse me.
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If you find yourself in a difficult position,
hang on, fight it out!
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Hole up, get your energy back
for the final push!
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Think like a hyena, be a hyena.
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In the fog of war, it's the one who wants it
the most who wins.
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And I don't think you want it the most.
I think you are a pathetic loser.
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I think you're a disgrace.
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How are you gonna hold your head up
high when you walk down Main Street?
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- Straighten up when I talk to you.
- Thank you, General.
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I'm sorry this had to happen.
This one's gonna be good.