:39:01
What the hell is that?
:39:02
Falk, if a guy comes out onstage
at Carnegie Hall and throws up,
:39:08
you can always find some people
who will call it art.
:39:12
Years ago, a very wonderful comedy writer
:39:15
wrote a very funny book
with a really deep and meaningful title.
:39:20
lt was called
''Never Trust A Naked Bus Driver.''
:39:25
You would be amazed how many people
:39:28
do exactly that, and worse.
:39:32
- [Dobel:] Do you masturbate, Falk?
- What?
:39:35
l mean, given the circumstances
of your sex life, l would think...
:39:39
This is not... stop squirming.
:39:42
l'm not. l don't know.
Now and then, l guess.
:39:46
When is now and then?
On Easter and Purim?
:39:49
l don't really enjoy it.
:39:51
Are you doing it right?
Does your hand fall asleep?
:39:53
l happen to think it's
a poor substitute for the real thing.
:39:57
Really? l prefer it to the real thing.
:40:00
Last night, l was home by myself
:40:02
and l conjured up a threesome with me,
Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren.
:40:09
lt was very erotic.
:40:12
ln fact, if l'm not mistaken,
it was the first time
:40:15
those two great actresses
ever appeared in anything together.
:40:17
- lt sounds nice, but...
- The only reason l ask
:40:22
is because l think
that as you go through life,
:40:25
you learn to depend only on yourself.
:40:28
You know?
Do you own a firearm?
:40:32
A gun?
:40:34
A gun qualifies as a firearm, yes.
:40:36
- No. Why would l?
- For self-defense.
:40:39
Against who?
:40:42
Against those who conspire to harm you.
:40:44
Harm me?
:40:45
Don't ask what you did to deserve it.
l mean, God, read Auden.
:40:51
You know, come with me to New Jersey.