:41:00
My little girl is 1 6. She's at that age where
she's in her room listening to her stereo...
:41:04
...online with her friends,
and boys are starting to call.
:41:07
Oh, my God. We had a kid call the house
at 2 in the morning.
:41:13
I lost it.
:41:15
First off, I'm sound asleep
in la-la land...
:41:17
...with Shania Twain
in the mountains somewhere.
:41:22
I hear a phone ring and I'm like,
"Who's got a phone in the mountains?!"
:41:26
So when I realized it's my phone,
I'm already ticked off. I went, "Hello!"
:41:30
And this little voice goes,
"ls Emily there? "
:41:33
And I go, "Dude...
:41:35
...if you have a brain in your skull,
you will hang this phone up right now."
:41:40
And my wife goes,
"Bill, you gotta be nice."
:41:43
I said, "No, ma'am,
nice stops at midnight."
:41:48
She said, "What will you do
when these little boys come over? "
:41:51
"I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm gonna
pull the young man in tight next to me...
:41:55
...so only he and I can hear
the conversation.
:41:58
I'm gonna whisper in his ear.
I'm gonna say, 'Boy, look at me.
:42:04
You see that little girl there?
That's my only little girl. She's my life.
:42:10
So if you have any thoughts
about hugging...
:42:14
...or kissing,
you remember these words:
:42:18
I got no problem going back to prison.'"
:42:33
God bless my wife. That's what
she puts up with every day of the year.
:42:37
On our 20th anniversary,
I got to thinking about the difference...
:42:40
...between that first year of marriage
and that 20th year. Wow.
:42:44
Remember that first year? You'd pick a fight
just so you could make up and have sex.
:42:49
Twenty years later, you pick a fight
just so they'll sleep in the other room.
:42:58
That first year, you'd come home
from a bad day at work. You go: