1:11:00
Once you get married,
you gotta hang around other married people
1:11:03
and that's just disgusting.
1:11:06
You ever go to dinner with six neutered adults?
1:11:11
A bunch of women talking about Diaper Genies
and hair colouring.
1:11:16
"You know, if you leave it in too long it stings."
Shut the fuck up.
1:11:21
A bunch of men talking about barbecue grills
and routes to work.
1:11:26
"Sometimes I take the highway
but if it's backed up, I got some side streets
1:11:31
"that get me there in half the time. Check it out.
1:11:34
"L-95 is clear sometimes..." Shut the fuck up!
1:11:38
I hate married people.
1:11:40
It's fucking disgusting.
1:11:43
If you go to eat dinner with single people,
1:11:46
single people eat for an hour and 30 minutes
and leave,
1:11:50
cos they got fucking to do.
1:11:53
Married people close down a restaurant.
1:11:57
They start ordering coffee and dessert.
1:12:00
Start talking to the architect.
"I like the thing you put right there."
1:12:05
Start talking to the cook. "What's in the tea?"
1:12:08
"Water, bitch!
1:12:13
"Hurry up, we got a lot of not fucking to do.
1:12:17
"If you hurry up, we can not fuck all night."
1:12:22
I hate married fucking people, man.
1:12:24
And, fellas, once you get married, you become
your wife's pet. You become a fucking pet.
1:12:30
Cos women like to get they husbands together
that don't even know each other,
1:12:34
and have like a grown man play date.
1:12:38
Put you in a room with some other
married motherfucker
1:12:42
and go, "He likes baseball just like you."
1:12:48
And you're in some room with some fucking
stranger going, "I like baseball."
1:12:52
"I like baseball too. Yeah."
1:12:55
"Yeah, baseball, good."
"Yeah."
1:12:58
"Honey, who the fuck is this?