Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Tired of the same old you?
Tired of being out of shape
and out of luck with the opposite sex?

Tired of being overweight
and under-attractive?

Oh, hello.
I'm White Goodman, owner, operator
and founder of Globo Gym America Corp.

I'm here to tell ya that you don't have
to be stuck with what you've got.

Hey, Rory. Looking good.
At Globo Gym we that understand "ugliness"
and "fatness" are genetic disorders,

much like baldness or necrophilia,
and it's only your fault if you don't hate
yourself enough to do something about it.

That's where we come in.
Globo Gym employs
a highly trained, quasi-cultural staff

of personal alteration specialists.
With our competitively priced
onsite cosmetic surgery,

we can turn that Frankenstein
you see in the mirror every morning

into a Franken-fine.
Of course, you'll still be you in a legal sense,
but think of it as a thinner,
more attractive, better you

than you could ever become without us.
How do I know?
Well, I'm not only the founder of Globo Gym,

I'm also a client.
That's me, six years and 600lbs ago,
before I knew how much I hated myself.

That all changed once I founded Globo Gym.
But don'tjust take my word for it. Listen
to these Globo gymers tell you how it is...

That feels good.
Oh, the tickle machine.