I Heart Huckabees

Picture a tree in a field.

Good. Now put someone
you respect in the tree.

- Hey, dickweed.
- [ Albert ] Still Brad Stand.

- Add someone else.
- Like who?

You know, someone who can understand
things. Someone who can help you.

- Who's your guide?
- Well, I use Magritte, a Belgian surrealist.

- I got someone.
- Who is it?

Mrs. Schirmir. She was my high school
English teacher. She helped me.

- All right, good.
- He pushed her out of the tree.

Okay, Mrs. Schirmir has a vacuum cleaner,
Albert, that sucks up fear.

Now she's going to send you
rays of security and complete acceptance.

He chopped her head off!.
[ Yelling ]
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
You're doing well.

Now, don't give up now.
Didn't she vacuum a lot?

But then he vacuumed her.
I had to chop him up with a machete.

Okay, Albert. I can let you
in on a couple of secrets.

One, your mind is always
occupied on something...

so it may as well be something helpful
like Mrs. Schirmir and her vacuum cleaner.

Two, there is
no such thing as you and me.

So then there's
just nothing?

Three, there's
no such thing as nothing.

There is no remainder
in the mathematics of infinity.

There's only the blanket.
I thought I understood the blanket.
Now I'm not sure.

Flags and bags.! Huckabees says,
'Happy birthday, Mr. President. '

50% off all knapsacks
and pocketbooks.

Oh, say, can you see
how good this looks?

Let freedom ring.
At Huckabees...

the everything store.
''Huckabees cornucopia
of stuff we all want.

''But what happened to the gazelles?
Were they squashed...

under the CD department?''