That was your weirdest family holiday?
So I had a hammer in my hand...
and I look up
and Father Moore was smiling at me...

and all I could think about
is just bashing his head in.

Over and over,
and then I'd smash my parents' heads in.

Then, like, half the people I knew, just...
So then I started thinking,
what else would I like to do?

And all this crazy shit came into my head.
So then what happened?
I finished the ramp, and we ate turkey.
Dude, that's sick even for me.
Dude, I've castrated my dad
112 times in my dreams.

Three of a kind, huh?
Let's play a real fucked-up game.
"Welcome to The Pathway. "
The Pathway.
I've never played this before.
Dakota, it's a secret.
Well, it's not a very good secret
if you know about it.

You give it your phone numbers and stuff...
then it calls you
and gives you bizarre things to do.

What kind of bizarre things?
Well, you don't know unless you play.
- How do you start?
- You already have.

Happy birthday.
Oh, shit. It's, like, my entire life.
Wild or what?
Dude, you'll never be President.