Fever Pitch

I'm really, really sorry.
Actually, I'm sorry. I ate everything cool.
I just left you a pile of sauce.

That's okay. Actually, I'm the worst.
I eat off everybody's plate.

In fact, my friends, they call me "the seagull. "
Oh, hi, seagull.
No, really, I appreciate you being cool
about the phone thing...

because I once went on a date with this guy
who got so angry I was on the phone...

that he grabbed it out of my hand,
and he threw it in the fish tank.

I would never do that.
What are your pet peeves?
What stresses you out?

- Mm, I got-
- And I'm only asking...

because frankly
the men I meet are highly-

I date poodles basically.
And I'm really relaxed,
you know? Totally.

- Son of a- Stop ringing.
- I got it.

Let me do it.
Let me do it.

Hello? Uh, no, she isn't.
May I take a message?

This is Ben.
I'm her houseboy/sex slave.

Okay. You betcha.

Call your mother.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
So you don't have a cell phone...

- a BlackBerry, a pager, nothing?
- No.

Well, what if
some sudden crisis occurs...

like your father has a heart attack
or something?

- My father died two years ago.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I just found out this morning,
so it's been a rough 24 hours.

You know, maybe I should get a cell phone.
That's a good idea.

- You're funny, Ben-
- Wrightman.

- Wrightman. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- You forgot my last name.
- No, I just blanked.

I know why you forgot. That's all right.
I bet when you talk to your friends...

you call me Ben the schoolteacher,
am I right?

- Well?
- That's okay.

What do you call me
to your friends?

I call you Lindsey...
the vomit girl,
the puker, Pukey.

Everyone says, "You going out with Pukey
tonight?" I'm like, "Yeah. Why?"

"You wanna play video games or something?"
I'm like, "No, I'm going out with Pukey. "

That's horrible.
Hey, anything I've said about you would be
an understatement, really.