:22:01
Honey,
it was your first practice.
:22:02
It'll get better.
:22:04
No, it's gonna get worse.
:22:05
You need to give it
some time, Phil.
:22:07
No. I already know.
It was awful.
:22:09
The kids were
just running around.
:22:10
They weren't
listening to me.
:22:11
They were like
4-foot whirling dervishes.
:22:14
And I don't even know
what a whirling dervish is,
:22:16
but that's--that's what
they were like.
:22:18
You know why?
'Cause I'm not a coach.
:22:21
Okay? I don't know
what I'm doing.
:22:24
My dad. He's a coach.
He knows the game.
:22:27
He's confident, he's smart,
:22:29
witty, dynamic,
vicious, brutal, vindictive.
:22:33
A monster.
:22:35
And he will win
through intimidation
:22:37
and forceful tactics
if need be.
:22:39
I'm not like that.
:22:42
In fact, I don't know
anyone like that.
:22:45
Do you?
:22:50
So, Paul,
what's on your mind?
:22:52
Uh, actually, it's Phil.
:22:54
You mean, it's not Paul?
:22:55
No, it's Phil.
:22:56
What's the difference?
Come on. Spit it out.
:22:58
Uh, here it is.
:22:59
(Diana)
Mike!
:23:00
Hold this.
:23:01
[footsteps approaching]
:23:02
Oh, no. No, no,
we do not allow smoking
in the house.
:23:07
I-I'm sorry, Mrs. Ditka.
:23:10
Here, I'll
get rid of it, honey.
:23:14
Anyway, uh, l-I'm coaching
my son's soccer team.
:23:17
And--And l--I didn't know
if you might be
willing to help.
:23:19
Soccer?
:23:21
Actually, uh, l--I want you
to assistant coach.
:23:25
Your assistant coach?
:23:27
You really don't know
who I am, do you?
:23:29
You're right. Silly idea.
:23:30
I just-- I just
need some help
:23:32
and you're such
a great coach.
:23:33
My dad's gonna be
riding me all season,
so I just--
:23:35
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho,
your dad?
:23:38
You mean I get to coach
against your dad?
:23:40
Well, yeah.
:23:41
(Diana)
Mike, I smell smoke!
:23:43
Nobody's smokin'!
:23:44
Mike!
For Pete's sake!
:23:46
So, like, it's me and you
against your old man?
:23:48
I mean,
there are other teams.
:23:49
Gotcha!
:23:50
No smoking means
no smokin'!
:23:52
Okay, come on, Phil.
:23:54
I'll throw this out
the window, honey.
:23:55
Uh, l-I'm sorry, Mrs. D....
I'm sorry.
:23:57
You should be.