It Happened to Jane

Let's hear from Lois.
The preceding panellist was obviously
obfuscating the issues involved here.

A not-uncommon masculine gambit
in 20th-century America.

Stupid little broad.
Mrs. Osgood, how can I help?
Left hand? Are you telling me
there are southpaw lobsters?

Oh, yes. Certainly there are.
You see, all lobsters, as you know,
have two large front claws.

Now, one is very heavy
and has blunt teeth...

that's the powerhouse claw, and the other
is smaller and has sharp teeth...

Naturally, I'm nervous, George.
You don't know what it's like to be on TV.

If it hadn't been for Larry,
I don't know what I would have done.

Where is good old Larry?
Well, the poor boy
is just about ready to collapse.

You don't know what he's been through.
Now they want me to do The Big Payoff.

Well, you're a most
persuasive young woman.

Walt Framer has agreed to break precedent
just this once...

which means the cash value of the prizes
that your knight in shining armour...

has won for you, will be sent
to Harry Foster Malone as rent...

immediately following the program.
Now then, panel...
I am not gonna ask this lady
to reveal her correct name to us...

because if we knew her name,
we'd know her secret.

So we will simply call her Miss X.
Now, Miss X, if you'll whisper your secret
to me, we'll reveal it to the folks at home.

I must say ordinarily we would not accept
such a secret on our show...

but I've been talking
a lot to this lady backstage...

and I tell you, by golly, I think she's right.
I want that man
barred from my railroad for life.

Now, we'll start the questioning
with Bill Cullen, please.

Ma'am, this male that you're involved with,
is he human?

He certainly is not.