1:11:00
He's a wonderful boy...
handsome, cultured...
1:11:03
comes from one
of the best families in Europe.
1:11:05
You'll be crazy about him.
1:11:07
We'll bring him along
to the airport with us.
1:11:09
Happy landing.
1:11:11
Schlemmer!
1:11:12
What are you up to now?
1:11:13
All those lies.
You can't fool Daddy that easy.
1:11:16
I didn't say it was
gonna be easy...
1:11:17
but we sure can try.
1:11:18
Try what?
1:11:19
We're gonna turn this crumb bum
into a perfect son-in-law...
1:11:22
and we've got exactly
three hours and two minutes...
1:11:24
to do it in.
1:11:25
Oh, I get it. Isn't he clever?
1:11:27
Schlemmer!
1:11:28
I categorically refuse!
1:11:30
Sorry, sir.
1:11:31
I had difficulty
getting out of the girdle.
1:11:32
Schlemmer, I want all
those people out there...
1:11:34
to drop everything
and stand by for orders.
1:11:36
General alarm,
complete mobilization.
1:11:38
Like the good old days.
Yes, sir.
1:11:41
I will not be a party
to this scheme.
1:11:43
- Lf you don't love your wife.
- I worship her!
1:11:45
You know there's nothing
I wouldn't do for you...
1:11:47
but I will not
compromise my principles!
1:11:49
And I'd do anything for you...
1:11:51
even if we had
to starve together...
1:11:53
but we can't ask the baby
to starve, not at his age!
1:11:56
You're upsetting your wife.
Think of her condition.
1:11:58
I will not be turned
into a capitalist!
1:12:00
Once you are a son-in-law
in good standing...
1:12:02
I don't care what you do.
1:12:03
You can steal
the formula to Coca-Cola...
1:12:05
and square yourself with Moscow.
But at noon today...
1:12:08
you are going to look and act
like a gentleman!
1:12:16
Everybody at their posts
awaiting orders.
1:12:19
Here we go. Get a barber
and a manicurist...
1:12:21
up to the office.
1:12:22
Call my lawyer.
I want him here immediately.
1:12:24
I want to speak to the manager
of the Berlin Hilton.
1:12:26
Get ahold of what's-his-name...
that moth-eaten count...
1:12:28
that used to hang around
at the Cafe Wien.
1:12:30
Count von Droste-Schattenburg?
1:12:31
That's the one.
I want to see him right away.
1:12:33
And send Ingeborg in here
with pad and pencil.
1:12:35
- Yes, sir.
- Schnellmachen. 1, 2, 3!
1:12:37
- Ja!
- All right.
1:12:39
Next, we'd better
start cleaning him up.
1:12:40
- Over there.
- I've agreed to nothing!
1:12:42
Is it against the party line
to use indoor plumbing?
1:12:45
Come on, darling.
It won't hurt a bit.
1:12:47
Even if it hurts,
mit the hot water mit the soap.
1:12:52
- Yes, Mr. MacNamara.
- Ready?
1:12:54
Always ready.
1:12:56
Call Reinhardt and Reinhardt
custom tailors.
1:12:59
Have them send up everything
they've got in their shop...