1:25:01
What is it, two cakes of soap
on a field of paper towels?
1:25:04
A porcupine rampant
on a field of fleur-de-lis.
1:25:07
You may also have a photograph
of the Schattenburg Castle...
1:25:10
unfortunately destroyed
during the war.
1:25:12
American Air Force?
1:25:13
No. Turkish cavalry. 1683.
1:25:17
You can't just order me around...
1:25:18
"Come here, sit there,
do this, eat that!"
1:25:20
Darling, hold still.
I can't get your cuff link in.
1:25:22
Is this the lucky young man?
1:25:24
That's him.
Meet your father.
1:25:26
- My father?
- Ah, my dear boy.
1:25:28
I'm sure you will be
a credit to the family.
1:25:30
It could use a little credit.
1:25:32
- What is all this?
- You're being adopted.
1:25:34
Adopted? Just like that,
without even asking me?
1:25:37
This is not only devious,
it's unilateral.
1:25:40
My eye. What's the matter
with my eye?
1:25:41
- This is your daughter-in-law.
- Gnädige Frau.
1:25:44
Scarlett, I've got
something in my eye!
1:25:46
It's a monocle.
Looks cute on you.
1:25:49
A monocle?
How sneaky can you get?
1:25:51
Go in there
and sign the papers...
1:25:52
and give this to the cashier
on the way out.
1:25:54
Thank you.
1:25:55
What do you think you're doing?
1:25:57
It's on the house, no charge.
1:25:59
Good-bye, my son.
1:26:02
Now, I want you kids to
memorize your new name.
1:26:05
You are the Count and Countess
von Droste-Schattenburg.
1:26:08
Count?
1:26:09
Countess! That means
everybody has to curtsy to me...
1:26:11
except maybe Grace Kelly.
1:26:12
Nobody will curtsy to you.
1:26:14
I refuse to join
the aristocracy.
1:26:16
They're all leeches...
1:26:17
bleeding
the underprivileged masses.
1:26:19
Not the
von Droste-Schattenburgs.
1:26:20
They bleed themselves.
1:26:21
Take him into the other room
and get him dressed.
1:26:23
And now that he's got a name...
1:26:24
there are some things
I want him to sign.
1:26:26
What things?
1:26:27
First, I'm turning over
my limousine...
1:26:28
and my chauffeur to you.
1:26:29
All I want is
my motorcycle back.
1:26:31
Whoever heard of
a countess in a sidecar?
1:26:33
Besides, where
will we put the baby?
1:26:35
And have him fill out
these applications...
1:26:36
golf club, Diners Club...
1:26:37
Blue Cross,
Book of the Month Club...
1:26:38
Fruit of the Month Club.
1:26:39
I will sign nothing.
I will join nothing.
1:26:41
But, darling,
it's the American way of life.
1:26:43
American way of life.
1:26:45
Unemployment, discrimination...
1:26:46
gangsterism,
juvenile delinquency...
1:26:49
but under
our new twenty-year plan...
1:26:51
we will catch up with you.
1:26:52
Lots of luck.
1:26:54
Ingeborg, get the manager
of the bottling plant...
1:26:56
up here right away...
1:26:57
and see if you can find me
a sign painter in a hurry.