Eddie Murphy Raw

So I figured if he came up to me,
I could use the Jedi mind trick on him.

Mr. T walk up and go, "I heard
you did some jokes about me."

"No, you didn't."
"Maybe I didn't."

"I'm gonna go beat up the fool
that told me them lies."

I'd be at parties,
hear he was looking for me,

I would just leave.
I don't wanna fight Mr. T.

Then I found out Michael Jackson
was looking for me. I was like...

When Mike...
My manager called me up and said:

"Yo, man, Michael Jackson is mad."
I was like, "So?"

You know, because I'd fuck Mike up.
You know, Mike...

Mike don't weigh but a buck-oh-five,
you know.

I bust that ass on Mike. I was looking
for him, but my manager said:

"We don't know everything
about Michael.

"He might be this bad motherfucker
behind closed doors.

"He's a recluse. Behind closed doors,
he might be completely different."

And I'd be at a party and have
Michael walk up to me one day

and it'd be like this:
"Can I talk to you for a minute?
"Yeah, what's your motherfucking
problem, man?

"Well, how come you keep
fucking with me then, huh?

"What's all the motherfucking jokes?
You don't like my clothes?

"I'm Michael-motherfucking-Jackson,
I will bust your ass.

"Get the fuck out, motherfucker...
"I will moonwalk all up and down
your ass, motherfucker.

"You mind your
motherfucking business.

"I hear some more shit,
I'm gonna put this glove up your ass.

"I'll see you later."
That's a dumb...
I could never...

I've been trying for five months
to do the moonwalk

and I can't do the shit. lt's shitty.
lt's the dumbest dance ever,
because I can't do it,

that's why I say it's stupid.
But how can you do the moonwalk
and ask a woman to dance?

Be at a party, say, "Hey, baby,
come on, let's dance. See you later."

Do the moonwalk. That's some stupid
shit. Michael can do that shit, though.

Michael's so famous,
Michael went on TV and everything
he says, the public believes.

Went on television and said:
"I don't have sex because
of my religious beliefs."

And the public believed it.
I know brothers were like,
"Get the fuck out of here."

And white people go, "That Michael's
a special kind of guy.