Eddie Murphy Raw
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:08:01
So I figured if he came up to me,
I could use the Jedi mind trick on him.

:08:05
Mr. T walk up and go, "I heard
you did some jokes about me."

:08:07
"No, you didn't."
"Maybe I didn't."

:08:14
"I'm gonna go beat up the fool
that told me them lies."

:08:17
I'd be at parties,
hear he was looking for me,

:08:19
I would just leave.
I don't wanna fight Mr. T.

:08:22
Then I found out Michael Jackson
was looking for me. I was like...

:08:24
When Mike...
My manager called me up and said:

:08:27
"Yo, man, Michael Jackson is mad."
I was like, "So?"

:08:32
You know, because I'd fuck Mike up.
You know, Mike...

:08:37
Mike don't weigh but a buck-oh-five,
you know.

:08:40
I bust that ass on Mike. I was looking
for him, but my manager said:

:08:43
"We don't know everything
about Michael.

:08:45
"He might be this bad motherfucker
behind closed doors.

:08:47
"He's a recluse. Behind closed doors,
he might be completely different."

:08:51
And I'd be at a party and have
Michael walk up to me one day

:08:53
and it'd be like this:
:08:57
"Can I talk to you for a minute?
:09:00
"Yeah, what's your motherfucking
problem, man?

:09:03
"Well, how come you keep
fucking with me then, huh?

:09:05
"What's all the motherfucking jokes?
You don't like my clothes?

:09:09
"I'm Michael-motherfucking-Jackson,
I will bust your ass.

:09:12
"Get the fuck out, motherfucker...
:09:13
"I will moonwalk all up and down
your ass, motherfucker.

:09:16
"You mind your
motherfucking business.

:09:20
"I hear some more shit,
I'm gonna put this glove up your ass.

:09:23
"I'll see you later."
:09:27
That's a dumb...
I could never...

:09:28
I've been trying for five months
to do the moonwalk

:09:30
and I can't do the shit. lt's shitty.
:09:32
lt's the dumbest dance ever,
because I can't do it,

:09:35
that's why I say it's stupid.
:09:36
But how can you do the moonwalk
and ask a woman to dance?

:09:39
Be at a party, say, "Hey, baby,
come on, let's dance. See you later."

:09:42
Do the moonwalk. That's some stupid
shit. Michael can do that shit, though.

:09:46
Michael's so famous,
:09:47
Michael went on TV and everything
he says, the public believes.

:09:50
Went on television and said:
:09:52
"I don't have sex because
of my religious beliefs."

:09:54
And the public believed it.
:09:56
I know brothers were like,
"Get the fuck out of here."

:09:59
And white people go, "That Michael's
a special kind of guy.


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