Eddie Murphy Raw

"No, fire shoot out my dick, is all.
"A burst of flame fly out my dick
when I pee.

"I can't even pee in the house, I burn
my house down. I gotta go outside.

"I was outside peeing,
dude tried to mug me,

"I turned around and burned him up
on the street.

"Because my dick is a blowtorch,
is what I'm trying to say."

Got to be careful.
They say having casual sex nowadays

is like playing Russian roulette.
And I know I've thrown my dick
on the crap table many a night.

Looking for Miss Right,
you be gambling every time.

You gambling with your dick, saying,
"Come on, need a woman with a mind.

"Come on, now. I need somebody
perfect for me. Give it to me, now!

"Oh, shit. Fat, bucktoothed bitch.
No, give me my dick back. No.

"I'm gonna keep rolling.
I got one more roll in me.

"I want the perfect woman, now.
I want somebody with a mind,

"intelligence, a nice ass and a body.
Give it to me, now!

"Oh, skinny cockeyed bitch.
No, give my dick back.

"Give my dick back.
Now, listen, be quiet.

"I'm gonna keep rolling.
This is my last roll.

"This is the last one.
This is the one for me.

"Miss Right. Blow on this for luck.
"This is my last roll.
Come on. Here we go.

"Give it to me, now!
Oh, shit. Herpes. I crapped out.

"My dick is fucked up.
My dick is ruined."

So be careful. Get married.
I went out and found
the perfect woman.

Nineteen years old. Beautiful face.
A virgin. Nobody ever fucked her.

And had an ass like this:
And her legs are like:
Her titties are like:

She was so fine. She's one
of the people that's so fine,

when you see them,
they make you ugly.

You be like, "Goddamn,
who is that motherfucker?"

She was fine.
I went, I cut all my girls off.

I said, "That's it, I'm getting married.
This is it. Gonna be me and her."

I was so happy. And I went out
and I went shopping.

And I was waiting on the line
and I saw the Enquirer magazine

while I was waiting on the line
and I saw Johnny Carson
on the front page.

There was a picture of him like this:
Then I said, "What's up with Johnny?"
I turned to the inside story

and his wife was on the other page
and she was like this: