Eddie Murphy Raw

"Give it to me, now!
Oh, shit. Herpes. I crapped out.

"My dick is fucked up.
My dick is ruined."

So be careful. Get married.
I went out and found
the perfect woman.

Nineteen years old. Beautiful face.
A virgin. Nobody ever fucked her.

And had an ass like this:
And her legs are like:
Her titties are like:

She was so fine. She's one
of the people that's so fine,

when you see them,
they make you ugly.

You be like, "Goddamn,
who is that motherfucker?"

She was fine.
I went, I cut all my girls off.

I said, "That's it, I'm getting married.
This is it. Gonna be me and her."

I was so happy. And I went out
and I went shopping.

And I was waiting on the line
and I saw the Enquirer magazine

while I was waiting on the line
and I saw Johnny Carson
on the front page.

There was a picture of him like this:
Then I said, "What's up with Johnny?"
I turned to the inside story

and his wife was on the other page
and she was like this:

And over her head it said, "Johnny's
wife wants half Johnny's money."

I turned that shit back to Johnny.
Then I started thinking about it.

lf you... lf you have $5
and have to give somebody
$2.50, you'd be upset.

Johnny had to have
at least 300 million.

And have to give up $1 50 million?
And they wasn't even married
but ten years.

And $1 50 million? Get...
Give me a fucking break.
What...? What...?

And ladies... Now, here's a woman
right here saying, "Right on."

Baby, that's not fair.
Not no 1 50 million.

I see a lot of you ladies going:
"Get all the money you can, shit.
I'm glad she did get all that money.

"She earned it. She earned it.
That... You damn right.

"She was married to him,
she deserved that money."

Get the fuck out of my face
with that bullshit.

No. Stop it.