Eddie Murphy Raw

"You got a lot of motherfucking nerve
by asking me to sign a contract.

"There's nothing a man can do
for me that I can't do for myself.

"You got a whole lot of...
I love you.

"Telling me to sign a contract
to show that I love you?

"lf I need something, I can go to my
family. My family takes care of me."

And men hear all that shit
and we be like this, "OK.

"We don't need no contract."
And you don't get a contract
and get married without one

and the shit don't work out
and you break up a year later.

She's sitting around
in the kitchen by herself, mad,

trying to figure out a way
to get even with your ass.

"I can't believe that motherfucker
did this to me!

"After all the shit I did...
"All the things I did for that
motherfucker, he do this to me?

"Him and his fat bitch
can kiss my ass!

"I don't give a shit about
either one of them.

"I don't want shit from him or her
and I don't care.

"You know something? You know
what I should...? You know...?

"I'll take half his shit!"
And they'll get it.
They'll get half your money,
your house, your car, alimony,

child support and your children.
You will be on the cover
of the Enquirer like this:

So be careful!
I started having nightmares.
I was waking up in the middle
of the night like this: "Half!"

Because I'm into American women.
I like American women.

I got a friend
got a Japanese girlfriend.

And Japanese women are
the most docile women on the planet.

They're real... They're real timid,
timid, timid, timid women.

I walked in the house
and his friend, Japanese girl,

bowed to me when I walked in.
I said, "What's wrong
with your wife's back and shit?"

He said, "That's a Japanese thing.
They bow."

And I was like,
"Miss, did you decorate the house?"

She looked at her husband,
he did like this:

"You may speak."
And she spoke.

And I was like, "Now, that's
pussy control for you, there."

You know, because I'm used
to American women saying:

"You don't own me."
"Hey, baby, where you going?"