Cabin Boy

If I'd have just listened
to Mommy, I'd have gone into
the goddamned butcher business,

and I wouldn't be in this predicament
in the first place.

""Oh, no, Daddy,
I wants to be a sailor.''

[ Mumbling ] Goddammit. Fuck it.
I'll never get out of here.

And the net's torn to pieces.
Goddammit, what am I supposed
to do now? Catch 'em with my hands?

We're in deep shit, Greybar.
What the hell are we gonna do?

What do you think?
Give me a clue, will ya?

The engine's flooded,
the mizzenmast is down...

- and we got a crack in
the mid-section that's drawing water.
- Wonderful!

Aaah! We got
any options here?

The only thing to do as far as
I can tell is find a safe harbor
and fix the boat.

As you know, there's only one island
in Hell's Bucket and I am not crazy
about landing there.

Yeah, well, I ain't crazy about
sittin' on a boat till she sinks
and we wind up flounder shit.

Yeah, those flounders
are bloodthirsty bastards.

Looks like we ain't
got a choice.

If we don't make it to that island,
we're all gonna end up on the bottom.

We stay in Hell's Bucket long enough,
that's the least of our worries.

There's bad mojo
all around here.

Instead of
standing around philosophizin'
like a bunch of old washer women,

let's get to the goddamned island,
fix the boat and blow outta this hole!

And I say we dump that jinx kid.
He's a born Jonah.

As soon as we get to the island,
[ Snaps Fingers ] he's history,.

We'll send him out to pick berries
or somethin' and then haul ass.

Yeah, pick berries.
[Whimpering ]
- Please don't harm me.
I'm meek as a kitten. Truly I am.
- Stop. Cease.

Listen here, boy.
You got us groin-deep in trouble...

and I am this close to turning
your powdered ass into chum.

I must take offense to that.
I haven't powdered my bottom
since I was 17--

Cork it! From here on out,
since we're one hand short,

you're gonna do every, dirty, shitty,
snot-soaked job that needs doin'
around here!