Cabin Boy

We stay in Hell's Bucket long enough,
that's the least of our worries.

There's bad mojo
all around here.

Instead of
standing around philosophizin'
like a bunch of old washer women,

let's get to the goddamned island,
fix the boat and blow outta this hole!

And I say we dump that jinx kid.
He's a born Jonah.

As soon as we get to the island,
[ Snaps Fingers ] he's history,.

We'll send him out to pick berries
or somethin' and then haul ass.

Yeah, pick berries.
[Whimpering ]
- Please don't harm me.
I'm meek as a kitten. Truly I am.
- Stop. Cease.

Listen here, boy.
You got us groin-deep in trouble...

and I am this close to turning
your powdered ass into chum.

I must take offense to that.
I haven't powdered my bottom
since I was 17--

Cork it! From here on out,
since we're one hand short,

you're gonna do every, dirty, shitty,
snot-soaked job that needs doin'
around here!

- Got it?
- Is there any good news?

[ Gasps ] The good news...
is that I may let you live.

And if you behave yourself,
we'll drop you off in Hawaii,
-Japan, wherever the hell you're goin'.
- Thank you, Captain.

- That's what I wanted to hear.
- Okay! First things first.

Get outta these sissy clothes and
go put on some of Kenny's duds.
God rest his sweet soul.

And I want you to think of
his fat, pimpled ass every time
you slip into his boots!

I just pray that those boots
have adequate arch support
because I have problem feet--

[ Groans ]

Okay. Here we go.
Be calm.
Do it. Do it to it.

Oooh! That's it. The head
came off and what's inside
stinks and that's all I'm doing.

- I'm done.
- Hi.

Come on, you're doing very well.
- [ Groans ] Aaah, I hate you.
- Sorry,.

- Ow.
- Aaah!