Quiz Show

Charles Van Doren.
Charles Van Doren ?
Like Van Doren Van Doren ?

- He wants to be on Tic-Tac-Dough ?
- l guess so.

- Meriwether Lewis.
- That's it.

Who was the editor
of the socialist paper--

Oh, this is the guy.
This is the guy

l got the guy
l got the guy

l got the guy !
- [ Door Opening ]
- l got the guy.

So l turned to astrophysics,
but, of course, as you know,
all the great physicists were
great before the age of 25.

[ Chuckling ]
lt just wasn't in the cards.

- So l went to Paris and wrote
my novel about a patricide.
- What ?

A boy who kills his father.
M-My dad liked it
quite a lot, actually,

although you could fill Yankee Stadium
with the world's mediocre novelists.

And your father
is Carl Van Doren.

My uncle. My father
is Mark Van Doren, the poet.

He also teaches-- l-l mean,
l also teach at Columbia. Literature.

- Same as, uh, same as Dad.
- Oh, same as Dad, huh ? That's nice.

Could l ask you
a personal question, Professor ?

Actually, l'm not a professor
yet. l'm just an instructor.

How much do they pay instructors
up at Columbia ?

- Eighty-six dollars a week.
- You have any idea how much
Bozo the Clown makes ?

Well, we-- we can't all
be Bozo the Clown.

No, no, not to question your
choice of profession. Not at all.

l'm questioning the values of a society
that pays somebody like you--

- What was it ?
- Eighty-six dollars a week.

Eighty-six dollars a week. You plan on
raising a family, right, Professor ?

- Yes, l hope to, very much.
- Can you imagine raising a family
on 86 dollars a week ?

Eighty-six dollars a week. And
meanwhile, look at the crisis
of education in this country.

W-Well, yes, l-l agree.
lt's a national problem.

So l understand you came down
to try out for Tic-Tac-Dough.

Well, my friends tell me
l have a good mind for this
sort of thing. They coaxed me--

How'd you like
to be on Twenty-One ?

- Twenty-One ?
- Dan produces both shows.

You're young; you're clean-cut;
you're from a prominent family.

Kids would run to do their homework
to be like Charles Van Doren.

- What about, uh, Herbert Stempel ?
- What about him ?

- Herb ? Oh, l love him.
People don't like him.
- Well, we love Herb.

- Kids don't look up to him.
- lf you were a kid,
would you want to be...

an annoying Jewish guy
with a sidewall haircut ?

- Well, l wanted to be Joe DiMaggio.
- Oh, yeah ? Me too.

- Especially after
he signed for the hundred grand.
- Yeah, Al--