:12:00
- Go on.
- Eat it, Urkel.
:12:02
Uh ! I done told you to
watch it with that Urkel shit.
:12:06
Face it, girl.
Archie's a sister.
:12:11
- That's it. You !
- Moi ?
:12:16
Yeah, you. You are marching
back across the street with me,
:12:20
and we're gonna pick up
a shitload of Archie books.
:12:22
And I'm going to prove to you
beyond the shadow of a doubt...
:12:25
that Archie
is all about pussy.
:12:28
- Come on !
:12:30
This boy is conflicted.
:12:34
I shall play
mother therapist for him.
:12:36
You two sit tight.
We shall return promptly.
:12:43
Is he always like that ?
:12:45
Who, him ? Yeah.
Ever since the third grade.
:12:48
This, uh, this nun was teaching us
about the Blessed Trinity, you know ?
:12:52
She was going on and on about
the three persons in one God thing.
:12:55
Father, Son,
the Holy Spirit.
:12:57
Banky just goes ballistic on her.
They got in this huge fight.
:13:01
An eight-year-old kid ?
How bad could it have been ?
:13:04
Well, have you ever seen a nun call
a small child a "fucking cunt-rag" ?
:13:07
It wasn't pretty.
Shit like that's bound to happen...
:13:10
when you make a kid wear
a matching tie and slacks every day.
:13:13
Right. And your parochial
school misadventures ?
:13:18
Oh, mostly limited to
wine-tasting prior to mass.
:13:22
Turned me into a grade school
alcoholic altar boy though.
:13:24
Can't tell you how many mornings
after serious benders...
:13:26
I'd wake up next
to strange priests.
:13:29
- Aren't you the sharp wit ?
- Sharp ? No.
:13:32
I'm just a fan of
clergy-molestation humor.
:13:35
Probably why the extended family quit
inviting me to first communion parties.
:13:42
Tsk. You play darts ?
:13:45
Uh, not professionally.
You know, only in bars.
:13:49
I don't know.
:13:52
Maybe I should just sign one of those
exclusive deals like you guys.
:13:56
Your new book seems
to be selling like mad.
:13:58
Well, it all goes back to something
my grandmother told me when I was a kid.