1:22:02
razor blades,
scissors, tweezers, knives,
1:22:04
push pins, 2 x 4s,
ping-pong paddles,
1:22:06
alligator clips,
duct tape, broomsticks,
1:22:09
barbecue skewers, bungee cords,
sawhorses, soldering irons.
1:22:12
Because of tool sheds,
because of garages,
1:22:14
because of basements,
because of dungeons,
1:22:16
because of "The Pit and the Pendulum,"
1:22:18
because of the Tower of London,
1:22:19
because of the lnquisition,
1:22:20
because of the rap,
because of the cross,
1:22:22
because of Adam's Family playroom,
1:22:24
because of Morticia Adams
and her black dress
1:22:26
with its octopus legs.
1:22:27
Because of motherhood,
because of Amazon,
1:22:30
because of the goddess,
because of the moon,
1:22:31
because it's in my nature,
because it's against nature.
1:22:34
Because it's nasty,
because it's fun,
1:22:36
because it flies in the face
of all that's normal--
1:22:38
whatever that is--
because I'm not normal.
1:22:41
Because I used to think
I was part of this vast experiment
1:22:43
and there was this implant in my penis
that made me do these things
1:22:46
and allowed them, wherever they were,
to monitor my activities.
1:22:49
Because I had to take my clothes off
and lie inside
1:22:52
this giant plastic bag
so the doctors could collect my sweat.
1:22:55
Because once upon a time
I had such a high fever,
1:22:57
my parents had to strip me naked
and wrap me in wet sheets
1:22:59
to stop the convulsions.
1:23:01
Because my parents loved me
even more when I was suffering,
1:23:04
because I was born
into a world of suffering,
1:23:06
because surrender is sweet,
because I'm attracted to it,
1:23:08
because I'm addicted to it,
because endorphins in the brain
1:23:11
are like a natural kind of heroin.
1:23:13
Because I learned to take my medicine,
1:23:14
because I was a big boy for taking it,
1:23:17
because I can take it like a man,
1:23:18
because as somebody once said,
"He's got more balls than I do."
1:23:21
Because it is an act of courage,
because it does take guts,
1:23:25
because I'm proud of it,
because I can't climb mountains,
1:23:27
because I'm terrible at sports,
because no pain, no gain,
1:23:31
because spare the rod, spoil the child,
1:23:32
because you always hurt
the one you love.