The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human
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:15:00
I don't need cool.
:15:02
And Robert was like
the smartest guy I'd ever met.

:15:05
But he'd humiliate me every chance
he got. There's got to be better.

:15:09
I think it's time
for a nice guy.

:15:17
The male's sleeping hut.
:15:20
Fuck! Fuck!
:15:22
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
:15:24
The male is now ready to mate.
:15:26
Fuck. How could I lose
her number?

:15:30
Billy, look
on the bright side, man.

:15:32
If she was that fine, she probably
Gave you a bogus number anyway.

:15:38
- I'll help you find it.
- The need for the female is harsh.

:15:41
The male's body
tenses with anxiety.

:15:44
A bodily liquid called "sweat"
is transferred through his pores.

:15:48
A foam called "saliva"
dribbles out of his mouth.

:15:52
This condition will not pass
until he has mated with his female.

:15:55
The best-looking girl that ever
talked to me, and I lose her number.

:15:58
- I blew it. I'm an asshole.
- All right, wait.

:16:00
Let's just retrace your steps.
Where was the last place you saw it?

:16:04
- Work.
- Right.

:16:06
I was gonna call her, and you talked
me out of it. I put it in my pocket.

:16:08
- Did you check your suit?
- It couldn't be in my suit.

:16:11
My suit's been at the dry cleaners
this whole time.

:16:13
I just picked it up this morn...
Oh, shit.

:16:17
The male searches
through his animal skins.

:16:20
Perhaps the female is inside.
:16:27
Blinded by his need
to procreate...

:16:30
the male shows some lint
to the other member of the pack.

:16:34
"Is this the female I seek?"
he asks.

:16:37
Yep. You're an asshole.
:16:41
"No, it is not”,
responds the other.

:16:46
The male finds solace
in a bound collection...

:16:48
of sheaths of white tree bark.
:16:51
Perhaps he will find
the female inside.

:16:54
You're gonna call, like, every J. Smith
:16:58
It's only, like,
four or five pages.

:16:59
Face it, Billy.
You lost her.


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