The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human
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:16:00
Let's just retrace your steps.
Where was the last place you saw it?

:16:04
- Work.
- Right.

:16:06
I was gonna call her, and you talked
me out of it. I put it in my pocket.

:16:08
- Did you check your suit?
- It couldn't be in my suit.

:16:11
My suit's been at the dry cleaners
this whole time.

:16:13
I just picked it up this morn...
Oh, shit.

:16:17
The male searches
through his animal skins.

:16:20
Perhaps the female is inside.
:16:27
Blinded by his need
to procreate...

:16:30
the male shows some lint
to the other member of the pack.

:16:34
"Is this the female I seek?"
he asks.

:16:37
Yep. You're an asshole.
:16:41
"No, it is not”,
responds the other.

:16:46
The male finds solace
in a bound collection...

:16:48
of sheaths of white tree bark.
:16:51
Perhaps he will find
the female inside.

:16:54
You're gonna call, like, every J. Smith
:16:58
It's only, like,
four or five pages.

:16:59
Face it, Billy.
You lost her.

:17:03
The male will not forego
the mating ritual.

:17:06
The species must prevail.
:17:08
It will be very difficult for him,
but he will not give up.

:17:11
For the human male is among the horniest
Of creatures in the known universe.

:17:15
- Hi. May I speak with Jenny Smith?
- There's no Jenny Smith here.

:17:19
- Is this "J. Smith"?
- This is John Smith.

:17:22
Oh, never mind.
:17:26
Yeah, this might take a while.
:17:29
The male uses a rudimentary
communication device...

:17:31
to seek his mate.
:17:33
"Have you seen my female?"
he asks everyone.

:17:36
"She is mine.
You cannot have her”.

:17:39
- Hi. May I speak to a Jenny Smith?
- Yes, this is Jenny.

:17:43
Oh, Jenny, great.
:17:44
Did you meet a guy named Billy
at Cachet the other night?

:17:47
About five-ten, brown hair,
nice smile?

:17:51
Mmm. Do you like leather
Or chains?

:17:54
- What?
- I'd love to meet you.

:17:57
- Come on by.
- Maybe another time.


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