:12:07
My ass was on teIevision this morning.
:12:10
What are you teIIing us?
:12:11
I'm teIIing you
my ass was on TV.
:12:13
That's right. That was that speciaI.
:12:15
"The Kennedy Center SaIutes
50 years of Stan's Ass. "
:12:19
I went to the doctor, he took a tube
with a IittIe camera on it...
:12:22
...stuck it up my ass and we
watched it on a monitor in his office.
:12:26
-you had a sigmoidoscopy.
-ExactIy.
:12:28
That's different
than your ass being on TV.
:12:31
-How?
-First of aII...
:12:32
...a network can't canceI your ass.
:12:34
Point weII taken.
:12:36
What demographics
do you hope to knock down...
:12:39
...with that big crack
winking at you?
:12:41
We're in pubIic. Can we
eIevate the IeveI of conversation?
:12:44
-Fine with me.
-Good.
:12:46
I jerked off to your secretary.
Do you mind?
:12:49
-Why shouId I mind?
-I don't know.
:12:50
I wanna forge ahead
with a cIear conscience.
:12:53
Pound away.
:12:54
you're a good friend.
:12:56
Larry wanted to have sex Iast night.
He even gave me the 30-second massage.
:13:00
you mean the "I reaIIy care
that you had a bad day" back rub...
:13:04
...that stops just before you reIax...
:13:06
...then quickIy heads south
towards the promised Iand?
:13:09
So did you make Iove?
:13:11
-I was too tired.
-How'd you get out of it?
:13:13
I pretended to faII asIeep
during the massage.
:13:16
I did that heavy breathing thing.
:13:18
So he thinks you're in deep REM?
:13:19
But it backfired,
because when I reaIIy feII asIeep...
:13:22
...the baby started crying,
then Larry pretended he was asIeep.
:13:26
FooI! If he had just gotten up
with the baby, you wouId've...
:13:30
...opened the gates and weIcomed
the troops home for Christmas.
:13:33
In a heartbeat.
:13:35
What's up with you and Charlene?
:13:37
Oh, we had a great night Iast night.
:13:39
And you stiII cIaim
you're not cheating?
:13:41
I maintain that
with every fiber of my being.
:13:44
On-Iine sex isn't cheating.
:13:45
How do you figure?
:13:47
It's 3 a.m., your wife and kids
are sIeeping upstairs...
:13:50
...and you're downstairs
fucking some bimbo in cyberspace.
:13:53
First of aII, we're not fucking.
We're typing.
:13:57
Second, and this is me
taking umbrage...
:13:59
...CharIene is not some bimbo.