Daddy and Them

Well, what if I used to fuck your
brother? You wouldn't like that a bit.

I didn't used to fuck your sister.
She was my girlfriend.

- We didn't fuck.
- You didn't fuck her?

Of course I fucked her!
She's my girlfriend!

You know what I mean by that.
All your mama's gonna do is talk
about your damn old boyfriends.

- Here we go. Mm-hmm.
- How great they were.

I'm sick and tired of
hearin' them damn stories.

I've heard 'em a hundred times.
And they were idiots, every one of'em!

Oh, so I'm such a dumb-ass,
I went with idiots all the time?

- Hey, you said it, honey.
- You like to hurt
my feelings, don't you?

Okay, you're not a dumb-ass.
I'm sorry.

But they were fuckin' idiots.
Every last one of'em
was little-dicked idiots.!

Muscle men, half of'em,
which I know you like.

Fuck every one of'em.!
- You hate my whole family, don't you?
- I love your family.

Does that mean
I have to love yours?

Honey, you're gonna have to quit
actin' like you're gonna kill yourself.

It's embarrassin'.
- You know he neighbors
talk about us, don' you?
- You fucked my sister!

You was 13 years old!
Did you want me
to get thrown in jail?

- I couldn't fuck you,
could I? Back then?
- [Telephone Ringing]

- It's on the washer. Where's my brush?
- [Ringing Continues]

You're shittin' me.
- Is J.C. Livin' here now?
- [Clears Throat]

Okay. All right.
We'll call you a 12:00. Bye.
- [Replaces Receiver]
- Who was it?

Honey, it was my daddy.
Uncle Hazel's been thrown in jail
for armed robbery.

- What?
- Yeah.

We're gonna have to go to Little Rock.
His bail's pretty high.

- Uncle Hazel?
- Yeah.

Well, what's he doin' committin'
a crime like armed robbery?