Van Wilder

I have a chance to make front page
of the graduation issue...

which is a huge deal to me.
Let me get the other side.
There's this function
I'm hosting tomorrow night.

If you want...
you could tag along.

- I'll be there.
- It's a date.

It's an interview.
Remember, today's assignment
is about shadow.

So don't get too hung up
on detail.

All right, everybody?
Oh, Lord!
So much sinew,
I need a bigger pencil.

8:30 p.m.
Yeah, that's fine.

Word spread around campus. My calendar
was filled with parties to plan.

Van Wilder, party liaison, was born.
At the Hillel House, I broke bread.
And then I broke the boredom.
They said I did them a mitzvah.
That's Yiddish for "good deed. "

Write that down.
Oh, yeah, she came too.
This is the second party
of his she's gone to.

Sounds serious. Threatened?
Threatened? Please.
I'm president of both my fraternity
and the student government.

He's nothing more
than a mild rectal itch.

You know what you do
about a mild rectal itch, Gordo?

- What's that, Richard?
- You scratch it.

Then you scratch it some more.
The more you scratch at it,
the worse it gets...

until finally you have nothing left
but a raw, chafed...

possibly infected anal cavity.
Then it's won.
When all you had to do from the start
was take a medicated pad...

and smother it.
All right, people,
midterm is next week.

Here you have your five categories--