Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie

"When you gonna wear these for me? "
She goes, "l can't.
They're your daughter's."

No, no, no!
There was nothing to them!
When the how-to-wash tag
is the biggest piece of cloth on there....

She's just growing up, and she's smarter
than me. And she's starting to realize that.

She came home and goes,
"Can you help me with my math? "

And I said, "Yeah, baby,
let me take a look at it."

"When did they start putting
letters with it? "

She's got a lot of friends. She's friends
with the popular kids, the unpopular kids...

...and she's in the middle,
which is where you want them...

...until they bring home one of their friends
you don't see eye to eye with.

She's got a little friend who's
into this goth stuff. Oh, my God.

Have you seen these little freaks?
What happened?
The black nail polish, black lipstick, black
eyeliner, black hair, Liquid-Paper-white face.

I'm sorry. Didn't we used
to call that Halloween?

They walked in the front door, and l
looked at that little girl and just went:

I'm trying to be nice, and my daughter
said, "Daddy, this is my friend Lucy."

And I said, "Hey, Luci...fer."
She looked at me like,
"l will set you ablaze right now."

Nobody tells you about that
when you have kids.

Nobody tells you about the stuff
you never hear about.

Nobody told me kids would get out
of their bed and come into your room.

My son developed this really bad habit.
He would come to my side of the bed...

...and he'd get that close to my face.
And just stare at me.
You ever get that feeling when you know
you're being watched? He'd be like: