:36:00
But I know kids today are much more
advanced than you and I were.
:36:04
So I said, "Son, I know
you already know a lot of things.
:36:06
So why don't you
tell me what you know...
:36:10
...and I'll just fill in the blank spots."
:36:13
About 30 minutes later...
:36:16
...I'm sitting there with a pen
and a pad of paper.
:36:20
I'm going, "You can do that? "
:36:28
God bless my family. They've been good
to me this year. It's been rough.
:36:31
I've been trying to quit smoking. It'll kill
me quicker than the cigarettes would've.
:36:36
Anybody who's ever tried to quit
knows exactly what I'm talking about.
:36:39
It is the hardest thing
you will ever do in your life.
:36:43
And people who have never smoked
just don't get that.
:36:46
My wife goes, "l don't understand why
you just don't put them down and quit."
:36:50
I go, "Baby, I am trying. It is hard."
:36:52
She goes, "l don't understand why
you just don't quit."
:36:55
I go, "All right.
Why don't you quit yelling?
:37:00
Because you can't."
:37:03
And I've tried everything.
I've tried the gum. I couldn't keep it lit.
:37:09
I tried the patches.
They pulled the skin off my lips.
:37:15
Finally, my wife goes,
"Why don't you try acupuncture? " And I go:
:37:19
"lsn't that where they screw needles
into you? " She goes, "Yeah."
:37:22
And I go, "Why don't you try waking up?
:37:24
I won't let somebody screw needles
into me." She goes, "It's your last option."
:37:29
So we found this lady named Dr. Chang.
I had one question for Dr. Chang.
:37:33
Anybody know what that question
might have been? "Does it hurt? "
:37:36
She goes, "Oh, no. It no hurt."
:37:38
From a door three feet away from me,
I hear a grown man go:
:37:42
I go, "What was that? "
And she goes, "He big baby."
:37:47
I said, "I'm a big baby."
:37:49
Next thing I know,
I'm lying on this bed in my underwear.
:37:52
She has screwed a needle into the top
of my head, three in each earlobe...
:37:55
...one in each pec, one in each shin
and three between each of my toes.
:37:59
I'm lying on that bed thinking, "Dear God,
I could use a cigarette right now."