1:00:02
And our waitress that night
was qualified to work there.
1:00:08
Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure
she was on a scholarship.
1:00:13
The first time she walked up
to the table...
1:00:15
...my wife's uncle, Bud, looked
at her and went:
1:00:18
"Where did you get them things, girl? "
1:00:25
I thought she was gonna get mad. She didn't.
She was cool. She said, "l bought them."
1:00:31
Then Bud's wife, Lois, said,
"I've been thinking about buying me some."
1:00:35
Bud turned to Lois and said,
"You are 62 years old.
1:00:40
You getting a boob job
would be like hanging...
1:00:43
...a new chandelier in a haunted house."
1:00:51
She said,
"lf I put new lights in the house...
1:00:53
...you might stay in it
longer than two minutes."
1:01:03
My children share these genes.
1:01:07
I will say this in defense of my in-laws:
My in-laws are nuts...
1:01:10
...but I know why they're nuts.
1:01:12
A long time ago, they looked at each other
and said, "Why don't we have children? "
1:01:19
I know I'm on my way to being crazy
like my in-laws because I'm a parent.
1:01:23
I'm the proud father of two little girls.
They're 8 and 1 0.
1:01:26
Thank you.
1:01:28
I live next door to my brother.
He has three children, all girls.
1:01:32
Their ages are 6, 8 and 1 0.
1:01:34
My mother has nine grandchildren.
They are all girls.
1:01:38
The oldest one is 1 3 years old.
1:01:40
I live in the estrogen ocean...
1:01:44
...in the middle
of the naked Barbie Woodstock.
1:01:48
Naked Barbies as far as the eye can see.
1:01:51
There are days I have fantasies
about being G.I. Joe on a three-day pass.
1:01:57
"Hello, lady."