1:01:03
My children share these genes.
1:01:07
I will say this in defense of my in-laws:
My in-laws are nuts...
1:01:10
...but I know why they're nuts.
1:01:12
A long time ago, they looked at each other
and said, "Why don't we have children? "
1:01:19
I know I'm on my way to being crazy
like my in-laws because I'm a parent.
1:01:23
I'm the proud father of two little girls.
They're 8 and 1 0.
1:01:26
Thank you.
1:01:28
I live next door to my brother.
He has three children, all girls.
1:01:32
Their ages are 6, 8 and 1 0.
1:01:34
My mother has nine grandchildren.
They are all girls.
1:01:38
The oldest one is 1 3 years old.
1:01:40
I live in the estrogen ocean...
1:01:44
...in the middle
of the naked Barbie Woodstock.
1:01:48
Naked Barbies as far as the eye can see.
1:01:51
There are days I have fantasies
about being G.I. Joe on a three-day pass.
1:01:57
"Hello, lady."
1:02:04
But I love these girls.
I have learned so much about girls.
1:02:08
I've learned girls can be
a little bit more emotional than boys.
1:02:13
I spend half my life trying to figure out
what people are crying about.
1:02:17
" Honey, calm down,
and just tell me what happened."
1:02:21
" I came in, and I was gonna go
and play with them...
1:02:24
...but then they locked the door
and called me a stupid-head.
1:02:28
They said I couldn't be in their club.
1:02:31
I was looking for you,
and I was calling you and calling you--"
1:02:34
I'm like, "Honey, calm down. You'll scare
the children. Tell me what happened."
1:02:44
Men have no idea what to do with crying.
Men have been taught not to cry.
1:02:49
We can be out cutting firewood
with our buddies...
1:02:52
...we'll chainsaw our leg off at the knee.
We're like, "I'm all right. I'm all right.
1:02:57
Throw the leg in the cooler.
Hand me a beer. I'm all right."