1:12:03
Ladies, do you know men are not
even aware of the fact...
1:12:06
...we have a butt till it starts itching?
1:12:10
A lot of guys aren't aware that
scratching it in public might be offensive.
1:12:17
Mr. President, how you doing?
Good to see you.
1:12:23
And men ought to keep our hands
off our rear ends. We should.
1:12:26
For a lot of reasons.
The biggest...
1:12:28
...is because we are causing
our own butt-erosion.
1:12:32
We are. Have you ever seen
an old man's butt?
1:12:34
No, because they don't have one anymore.
They've scratched it all off.
1:12:40
An old man's butt looks like
you made a frog stand up...
1:12:43
...and put on a pair
of double-knit pants.
1:12:49
When you go to sleep tonight,
I want that to be the last visual image.
1:12:54
That frog pulling them britches up.
1:13:09
I have lots of theories about women,
and I'm sure none of them are right.
1:13:14
But I found out women have
just as many theories about men.
1:13:17
Probably the most common theory
women have about men...
1:13:20
...I bet I've heard this one in every state,
goes something like this:
1:13:24
" If he's got big feet...
1:13:29
...then you know."
1:13:30
Or if he's got big hands.
1:13:33
Or if he's got a big nose.
1:13:35
If he's got big ears.
1:13:37
Well, he better be packing,
'cause that's one goofy-looking guy.
1:13:46
And, silly as it is, men do
worry about these things.
1:13:49
Ladies, bless your heart.
1:13:51
You have come up with all
these expressions to reassure us.
1:13:55
"Honey, it's not the size of the ship,
it's the motion of the ocean."