Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Hey, you.
That was the worst damn display
of dodgeball I've seen in 40 years.

You want a dodgeball victory,
you've gotta grab it by its haunches

and hump it into submission.
That's the only way.

OK, crazy guy. I'm gonna go home now.
I ain't crazy and I ain't a guy.
The name's Patches O'Houlihan.
I'm your new coach.
Patches O'Houlihan?
The guy from the dodgeball film?

- Yeah. He said he wants to coach us.
- You said yes?

I figured the steady hand of a seasoned
dodgeball coach could only benefit us.

But he's not weird or anything, is he?

No. No, he's totally normal.
I love the smell of queef in the morning.
I mean normal for us.
Line up, ladies.
- What does he mean, line up?
- Now.

If you're gonna learn to be
true dodgeballers,

then you've got to learn
the five Ds of dodgeball:

dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.
If you master the five Ds,
no amount of balls on earth can hit you.

- Queer bait, go ahead.
- Me, or...

Yeah, shouldn't we learn by dodging balls
that are thrown at us, or...

That's what this sack of wrenches is for.
If you can dodge a wrench,
you can dodge a ball.