I Heart Huckabees

Why don't you just tell me
what your situation is.

Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly
what you guys do here, all right?

Well, we, uh-- We'll investigate
and solve your case.

- How?
- If you sign a contract, we'll follow you.

- You'll spy?
- Yes.

- On me?
- Yes.

- Will you be spying on me in the bathroom?
- Yes.

- In the bathroom?
- Yes.

- Why?
- There's nothing too small.

You know when police find the slightest
bit of D.N.A. and build a case?

If we might see you--
you floss or masturbate...

that could be the key
to your entire reality.

- So I'm hiring you to spy on me.
- That's right.

So we can figure out your situation
and resolve your crisis.

In addition, my associate will approach
your case from a different angle.

What do you mean a different angle?
What does that mean?

Regarding your perception of reality.
He'll tell you about that.

- Who sent you here?
- Nobody. I found your card.

- Where?
- In some fancy restaurant
that I'd never been to before.

I didn't have the proper attire.
So they let me borrow a suitjacket.

I reached into my pocket,
and there was your card.

The weird thing is
I always have a jacket.

- [ Woman ] But not that day?
- No.

- Brad Stand.
- Hey.

- Kind of a coincidence.
- Yes, exactly. My case is a coincidence.

- About the restaurant and thejacket?
- No, no. That-That's--

I'm talking about a big coincidence.
It involves one man.

It's a three-parter.
Okay. Ready?

[ Inhales, Exhales ]
First part.

I went to a place
called Schottinger's photo archives.

I was there getting stills
of early Bob Dylan.

In comes this tall African guy.
He's like 1 8 years old or something.

You know, he's in there getting photos
of Morris Chestnut...

Shaquille O'Neal,
Jim Carrey.

He's an autograph hound.
Kind of guy likes to get...

glossies of famous people
and get them signed.

Two weeks later, I see
the same African guy.

He's working as a doorman
at my friend's building.

Oh, my God!