The 40 Year Old Virgin
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:13:00
So, you mull it over
and I'll talk to you soon.

:13:02
All right, I will.
Thank you.
Okay.

:13:06
[Gasps]
:13:09
What's up, dawg?
What happened?
How was the date with Trish?

:13:12
It was a disaster.
Really?

:13:15
Yes. I've never been
more embarrassed in my life.

:13:18
Couldn't get the
condoms to work.

:13:20
And one of them
exploded on my balls.

:13:23
And then her kid
walked in the room.

:13:25
Wait. Hold up.
:13:26
She was hiding the kid
from you, dawg?

:13:27
You know what,
it doesn't matter...

:13:29
because it was going downhill
straight from there.

:13:31
Listen, you don't want
no baby-daddy drama.

:13:33
Trust me on this one,
all right?

:13:35
For all you know,
he in prison right now.

:13:37
Let's say y'all
living together.

:13:38
Next thing you know,
you the one going on the
1st and the 15th...

:13:41
to pick up the
government check.

:13:42
What if he got boys
that's on the outside...

:13:45
and they stalking you?
:13:46
You see what I'm saying?
You got to think, partner...

:13:48
What the fuck
are you talking about?

:13:50
Here's what you do.
You tell her you're a virgin.

:13:52
You test her
with this shit, okay?

:13:54
Here, tell me. Tell me.
This is how it's gonna go.
Tell me.

:13:57
I'm a virgin.
Sweet.

:13:59
I like that because
you don't have chlamydia.

:14:04
And I know that,
and that shit is everywhere.

:14:07
What if she
laughs at me, though?

:14:09
Then you punch her
in the fucking head
if she laughs.

:14:11
I'm not going to
punch her in the head.
She's really sweet.

:14:14
No. I mean, you punch her
in her fucking head
emotionally.

:14:18
She's different. She's someone
I felt like I had...

:14:21
a connection with.
:14:22
All you trying to do right now
is bust off this first night.

:14:26
You got a whole lot of semen
back up in you.

:14:28
I am going to tell her.
:14:29
You should totally
tell her, man.
I'm going to.

:14:31
'Cause I watched this movie
called Liar Liar...

:14:34
and the message was,
"Don't lie."

:14:36
And that was a smart movie.
:14:38
Yeah, that's the right thing.
Yeah.

:14:40
Really? All your girlfriends
wanted to have sex
with virgins, too?

:14:45
That's funny. I didn't
even know you girls
talked like that.

:14:49
I think my first time
might be your best time, too.

:14:53
Well, I knew it.
You know what...

:14:55
I knew that you'd
react that way
and I knew that...

:14:58
you would want
to lead me through
my first sexual encounter...


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