:51:00
...and you have to get on an airplane
to get to that job...
:51:03
...it is really time to review your territory.
:51:11
They tell us now the economy is bad.
You see it in the airports.
:51:16
Because everywhere we go now,
all the rental car places...
:51:19
...are selling the used rental cars.
:51:21
I've driven some bad vehicles in my life.
:51:24
I have never been so desperate for
an automobile I wanted a used rental car.
:51:29
You know what people do to rental cars.
My mother will not drive 55 miles an hour.
:51:34
You put her in a rental car, she's doing
doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot.
:51:39
Buying a used rental car...
:51:41
...is kind of like going to a house
of ill repute looking for a wife.
:51:47
Anything that's been driven that hard
by that many people...
:51:53
...you really don't want
to put your key in it.
:52:03
There's no incentive
to take care of a rental car...
:52:06
...because if you pay
the extra insurance...
:52:09
...you can total that rental car,
and they'll bring you another one.
:52:12
Always get the additional insurance.
They're like:
:52:15
"Would you like the additional coverage? "
I'm like, "Yes, I would.
:52:19
You got a Ford Fiesta
that's about to see more air time...
:52:22
...than a skateboard at the X Games."
:52:29
So welcome to our job. We feel
like we have the coolest job in the world.
:52:34
It's funny, because you get
to meet a lot of people backstage.
:52:37
When you're a comedian,
the number one thing people say to you:
:52:40
"Where do you come up with material? "
:52:42
The honest answer, at least for us, is...
:52:44
...the best stuff is not stuff you make up.
It's true stuff.
:52:48
That being said,
I have to share this story with you.
:52:51
Last year, I was hosting a show
for the children's hospital in Atlanta.
:52:55
A couple came up to me.
:52:57
The man said to me,
" I bet you done heard every redneck thing."