Van Helsing

:01:24

Hey, can I get another drink
down here?

:01:27

WILLIE :
I've been to prison once.

:01:29

I've been married twice.

:01:32

I was once drafted by
Lyndon Johnson and had to Iive

:01:34

in shit-ass Mexico for two
and a haIf years for no reason .

:01:39

I've had my eye socket
punched in , a kidney taken out,

:01:42

and I got a bone chip in my
ankIe that's never gonna heaI .

:01:47

I've seen some pretty shitty
situations in my Iife.

:01:50

But nothing has ever sucked
more ass than this.

:01:54

If I'd known I was gonna have to
put up with screaming brats

:01:57

pissing on my Iap for 30 days
out of the year,

:01:59

I wouId have kiIIed myseIf
a Iong time ago.

:02:05

Come to think of it,
I stiII might.

:02:10

Where I come from ,
we didn't ceIebrate Christmas.

:02:12

Not because we were Jewish ,
but because my dad

:02:15

was a worthIess-coward fucking
asshoIe whose idea of a present

:02:18

was a daiIy punch
to the back of the head .

:02:20

He did teach me
how to crack a safe, though .

:02:24

My dad never did shit with his
Iife, so he took it out on me.

:02:28

You couId say I'm no different.
I'd have to say you were right.

:02:31

But at this point,
it's too Iate to start over.

:02:34

Funny how things work out.

:02:36

It's fucking hiIarious.

:02:44

[ Vomits, coughs ]

:02:59

There's Santa CIaus.
Look there.