:01:13
l believe inthe Church of Baseball.
:01:15
l've tried all the major religionsand most of the minor ones.
:01:19
l've worshipped Buddha,Allah, Brahma, Vishnu...
:01:22
Siva, trees, mushroomsand lsadora Duncan.
:01:26
l know things.
:01:27
For instance, there are 108 beadsin a Catholic rosary...
:01:31
and there are 108 stitchesin a baseball.
:01:34
When l learned that,l gaveJesus a chance.
:01:37
But it just didn't work outbetween us.
:01:39
The Lord laidtoo much guilt on me.
:01:42
l prefer metaphysicsto theology.
:01:45
You see, there's no guiltin baseball...
:01:47
and it's never boring...
:01:49
which makes it like sex.
:01:52
There's never been a ballplayerwho slept with me...
:01:54
who didn't havethe best year of his career.
:01:57
Making loveis like hitting a baseball--
:02:00
you just gotta relaxand concentrate.
:02:03
Besides, l'd never sleepwith a player hitting under 250...
:02:06
unless he had a lot of RBl's or wasa great glove man up the middle.
:02:13
You see, there's a certain amountof life wisdom l give these boys.
:02:16
l can expand their minds.
:02:18
Sometimes when l've gota ballplayer alone...
:02:20
l'll just read Emily Dickinsonor Walt Whitman to him.
:02:24
And the guys are so sweet,they always stay and listen.
:02:27
Of course, a guy will listento anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
:02:32
l make them feel confident,and they make me feel safe...
:02:36
and pretty.
:02:38
Of course, what l give themlasts a lifetime.
:02:41
What they give melasts 142 games.
:02:44
Sometimes it seemslike a bad trade...
:02:47
but bad tradesis a part of baseball.
:02:49
Who can forget Frank Robinsonfor Milt Pappas, for God's sake?
:02:53
lt's a long season,and you gotta trust it.
:02:56
l've tried 'em all,l really have.
:02:58
And the only churchthat truly feeds the soul--
prev.